Surviving unemployment and everything in between

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Written 21 Feb 2018 (original post on my Facebook account)

 

I woke up today early and I told myself I’ll be okay. I’ll be productive and would finish running errands including those that are beyond my control. I felt good. Then reality slapped me hard.

I started overthinking again, entertaining all the “whys” and negativity that’s sits around the corner, waiting to be acknowledged. Next thing I knew, malungkot na ko.

You see, my year’s plot twist came a little too early. I unexpectedly lost my job last January that left me unemployed until now (on a birthday blues high). Got my last pay to budget for the rest of who-knows-when until I get a new job, and that scared me big time because living in Manila without enough money is nearly impossible. But the thing is, it’s just not my survival that I have to think of. It’s not just how I would not get that cup of coffee I want to cut expenses, not how I wouldn’t see my friends so I could save up and everything else I should sacrifice. It’s not just about me surviving. I have siblings to help out. I have responsibilities. I wasn’t able to pay for my siblings monthly boarding rent and bills (they study far from home), and wasn’t able to give them extra for school stuff just because I’ll be left with nothing. But what I wasn’t expecting is how it hurts knowing you can’t do what you’re supposed to do, and you can’t give what you should’ve given. That’s when I thought that it’s a part of life. These are just small pieces of reality most people struggle with every day. These are real life situations that real people face to survive.

So if you’re reading this and you think your life is so miserable because your parents can’t give you enough money, or you have to write that promissory note for school, you can’t buy the things you want, won’t see the concert you waited for or can’t book that round trip ticket to wherever — Bimb, please think. Think of the people who’s struggling so hard just to help you out and the people who struggle with you. Think of the people who have larger battles in life, but still chooses to fight. Think of the people who’ve lost, the people who never fought, the people who survived, the people who succeeded.

How you choose to see everything that life throws at you, leads to what kind of life you choose to live. I am hoping we’ll all choose positivity. Living itself is already a privilege.

Cheers!
*opens a can of beer*

 

— S.

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What’s your #GoldenGoal?

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When my friend challenged and tagged me to share my #goldengoal in life, I was honestly speechless for a moment. I was torn between “Do I have a goal?” And “Oh of course I have, like a lot.”

I’ve been working for a network as a writer for a Telco brand that the company is running. Like this #goldengoal challenge by #getFILED , writing is also a challenge for me. I have too many insecurities and self-doubt. I always get to ask myself if am I really doing my job well? Am I good? Am I for this? I didn’t get the answer immidiately. It took me more than a year to finally believe myself that I’m doing good. That I can be better at it. Planning helped me a lot to bring out the best in me. Step by step I managed my time to do the things I need to prioritize (thanks to my @getfiled 2016 planner) Then after fixing the planning part, that’s when I start figuring out what’s important to me. And that’s my job, it was writing.

My golden goal is to write not just for the sake of writing because I have to. I want to write and inspire people, to make them feel that writing can take you everywhere with your imagination. I want to write to not just to express freely , but also to create memories and make those memories worth remembering. I really want to radiate positive and good vibes through writing.

Cheers to writing our hearts out!

 

— S.
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#getfiled #getfiledph #getfiledplanner #goldengoal #goals #filedgoldengoal #write #love #passion #art #plannerph #planners #journal journaling #journalsph #calligraphy #brushcalligraphy #brushletteringph #brushlettering #watercolor #watercolorpainting #berkleybrushes #berkley #cansonpaper #chasingletters #chaseletterswithme

Adjusting and learning — a never ending process

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Written mid of 2016

Let me just give you a quick recap of why I am writing this.

Early this 2016, I started condo sharing with friends and after that, some workmates. Yes! Living in one condo with workmates or friends sounds really really fun. You can talk about anything girly all-night-long, then you can definitely share your own stories about that one hot guy you’re all crush-ing. But hey, somewhere along the way, you will miss the old you. Your old place, when all you have to think of is just yourself. I swear you will definitely miss those times you live alone.

Aside from the most famous “Walking in my apartment naked”, there are so much more to miss about living alone. And here are three major points I’d like to share:

1. Personal Space
Of course, this is what I miss the MOST! Who wouldn’t want that little place you call your own? A space where you can do all those crazy stuff you can’t do around others, where you can sleep all day during weekends, say the words you’ve been holding back for someone, where you talk to yourself when you feel like you’re having a mid-life crisis when in reality, you’re only 21. That space where you can cry the whole day about the things that bother you, or even the smallest thing like running out of shampoo. I so miss having a personal space. ‘A space where you can just be you.

But when you start to live a cost-effecient life which is sharing instead of renting solo, every place in the pad is a common space. Your most beloved kitchen, bathroom,  your one and only bed, even chairs… EVERYTHING! Everything is shared. So from personal space, you go no space. No space for misplaced comb, messy make-ups and no space to be a couch potato.

 

2. Privacy
I am a very private person, really. Maybe it’s not obvious because I’m very vocal and talkative most of the time especially with friends or at work. I always always always make sure that during weekends, I can pamper myself at home. Or just reward myself with a 14-hour sleep and wont even care about what time will I wake up.
Most of the time I just want to be alone and I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t know, I just feel the need to be on my own. It feels good. It’s just you, your pillow, a good movie and good food.

When you’re sharing, well, you still have privacy, only when you’re in bathroom. But still not the full privacy since you’ll have to consider your housemates that will use it after you. So I call it my “5-minute privacy”. There are times too that you don’t wanna see anyone or talk to anyone and having housemates won’t give you that satisfaction of shutting up. Why?

* They might think you’re such a snob. Well I am, but not every time.
* As a housemate, they need to ask you something about house bills or misplaced things. So no choice, you’ll need to answer.
* Mahirap na machismis na may attitude problem. So you really need small talks in between your hibernation days.
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3. Personal Decisions
This is one of the things I struggle with. I am used to living an independent life since I was college, so every time I make decisions, they’re my own. From how to do things, how to how get my shit together when I’m broken, how to spend my money, to how I budget every single cent of my salary, IT’S ALL ON ME.

But when you live with other people, you always have to take consideration of everyone. This is seriously tough for me. We all know that every one, has different personality, so it’s kinda hard to compromise sometimes. There are things that you wanna do or you used to do when you were living alone that you can’t do now. Like my fascination of blow drying my very thick hair every damn day in front of my fan! I. CAN’T. DO. THAT. NOW. Because that’s pretty loud and you’d have to think of your housemates. I am not that evil to blow dry in the bedroom while others are sleeping. So I have to do it in the bathroom that once you’re done, you’re soaking wet of sweat.

Buying appliances are not that easy either. No matter how you wanted to purchase that refrigerator because it’s 30% off, you can’t. Because you must consult everybody, because that will consume electricity or it’s out of their budget. The microwave, or that cutest bread toaster you’ve ever seen – you need to ask everyone. Every decision comes in group.

But hey, I’m writing this not to spread negativity to people who’s currently living with friends or workmates. This is not a plain rant over my present state of living, either. Hello? I’m looking back and appreciating the pure bliss that independence has given me… before! Just kidding, someone’s just being real here.

Seriously, living with different people can be fun and a total party.  You just have to be ready for some changes and [minor] adjustments. It’s not something that can happen overnight. So you have to be patient and extra understanding about everything and everyone. It’s actually a major step by step process. If I am having hard time adjusting over these things, I’m sure that other people like me are struggling too. So we always have to look at things two-way. It’s never gonna work if we’ll just focus on the negative things that’s happening around. Get to know your housemates, build a connection, bond together and feed your home with positive vibe.

Right?

 

— S.

What’s left?

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I was scanning my old files and found old writings and stories I wrote years ago. And I thought it’s never too late to post. 🙂
This is something I wrote last December of 2014 that was never published until today…

Christmas tree, Christmas lights, children singing carols, gifts, and Noche Buena with relatives — that has always been the usual scenario every yultide season. Well, that used to be.

Feast
Noche Buena has always been the main event after going to church to rejoice and celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. All of the preparations, cooking, and of course, eating! Who wouldn’t love it?

Can still remember those juicy ham, mouth watering lasagna and pesto, my Lola’s special bibingka, Lolo’s best puding, Tito Pil’s irresistible steak and Papa’s super sisig — always, always makes the dinner a feast. Just trying to remember it right now makes me crave!

Gifts
The best dinner should always be followed by the best dessert… and that is gift giving! After dinner we traditionally pick who’s gonna be the year’s Santa who would give out the presents. (I was chosen to be Santa last year) Hohoho!

What’s left
But this Christmas eve, it was different. Relatives were not able to visit, Tito Pil left for Canada, so the steak’s gone out of the table. Lola wasn’t feeling good as she ages, and that means no bibingka for us. Papa was busy fixing something in the house and wasn’t able to cook sisig for us. What’s left for dinner was just the barbecue I grilled (actually burned), the salad my sisters did and Mama’s lasagna. And by the way, there’s no Santa, too. Presents are still under the tree, but you just gotta get your own.

Everything that happened this Christmas was a total turnaround. I’ve always been greatly worried by change, big or small. And Christmas is something special we always have to celebrate the most. What I worry about is that, if every year, the way we celebrate is changing, what Christmas will my younger brother and sisters have? I want them to experience the same old way we celebrate when I was younger. A happy and memorable Christmas they would love to remember.

Well, that should be my task for the next season. I’ll continuously make an effort to keep the spirit of Christmas alive at home. And maybe I should start embracing changes, too, but won’t let it get in the way of a worthwhile celebration.

Cheers!

 

— S.

Deuce

As what I previously said on twitter and instagram, I wasn’t ready for what 2015 has to offer YET. And part of my “not-yet-ready-to” list is playing this game I started playing four years ago. Well I have a couple of reasons why.

First, I already outgrown my tennis shoes so I don’t have a comfy shoes to use. Though we have this spare Nike Dual Fusion at home (all the way from VA, thanks to Tito Iko) that served me fine during the rally, it’s still different when you use your all-time fave buddy to run around the court.

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Secondly, I already passed my beloved racket down to my youngest sizzy, Iya, who is really working hard to train with Kuya Sam. So, I felt empty handed. Seriously, when you haven’t played for months or (my case is worse) years, then you are probably gonna feel like its your first time! But here’s a good catch, Juliane (Sam’s girlfriend) was able to come over and patiently played with me until I “somehow” got my swings back, especially my back hand! Thanks, girl.

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And lastly, since it’s been years since I last hit the court, I really find it hard to catch my breath while running inside court. My moves are so limited and I get tired easily (I guess that’s because of the smoking part of my life. Lol). 


Though I’ve had reasons why I wasn’t ready to play yet, someone gave me a reason to do so. And guess who? Of course who else in the world would inspire me?

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No one but this man who is so gullible and on the go. It was his first time trying to play this sport (since he’s into swimming) so I already expected him to be funny. Lol I am mean. Okay, aside from him being funny which made my day extra happy, his  willingness to learn and jive with what we do here, is very touching. I can see and feel that he is really going extra miles with his efforts. One point for him.

So to wrap it up, we all had a wonderful day under the sun. We played, sweat ourselves to death and most importantly, we made a day worth looking back. Hoping to get more of this happy day this 2015. I guess this is a good start to keep the year pumped!


For more pictures, you can follow me on instagram @snctby